If Loving Christmas Tree Cakes Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right

My name is Emily Stringer, I’m 28 years-old, and I’m addicted to Christmas Tree Cakes.

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Hey, baby. Image.

Little Debbie is an evil bitch who makes delicious snack cakes in the bowels of Hell and sends them to Earth as an effort to end me-and it’s totally working. Her equally evil friends include Mrs. Freshley and Sara Lee, who have also tempted me many a time.

Let’s be real; Little Debbie cakes are damn good. If you can’t admit to liking at least one of these little blessed by the Devil Diabetes bombs, we can’t hang. I don’t care which one it is (as long as it’s not those weird raisin pie things).

Christmas Tree Cakes are obviously special because you can only get them for about two months out of the year. Also, they come in several different varieties, including Red Velvet AND chocolate. My God, people. What’s not to love. Also, they are fresh as hell and every single one of them is just as good (if not better than the last).

I don’t know why I love these so much, besides the fact they are SO GOOD. Maybe it’s because they are only available for a limited time each year. Maybe it’s some weird comfort to deal with the stress of the holidays. Or maybe it’s because they are just good, I’m an adult, and can eat as many damn Christmas Tree Cakes as I want! I’m gonna go with that one because it’s probably the deep-seeded reason why I want to shove as many of these things down my word hole as I reasonably can.

Honestly, I don’t care why I like them. I just wanted to share my snack shame with the Internet in hopes of entertaining and perhaps finding a like-minded individual. Remember, you are not alone in your love for seasonal snack cakes.

*shoves Christmas Tree Cake in mouth*

 

 

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Would you like some cheesy potatoes with that?

I have a fascination with the darker side of life. I’m the type of person who has been into an embalming room by choice, been on police ride alongs, and have routinely asked my Catholic colleagues about the prevalence of exorcisms. No one should be surprised I’m slightly obsessed with Kelly, the woman featured on an episode of TLC’s Freaky Eaters who only eats cheese covered potatoes.

 

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I would totally shove those down my word hole. Image.

 

Why? I don’t know.

Maybe it’s because I like so many different foods and have a problem processing only eating two of them forever.

Maybe it’s because I am a good American and occasionally enjoy watching crap TLC shows.

Or maybe things like this bring out my inner psycho and seeing this makes me somehow feel better about myself. “Hey! I’m 27, poor, much less successful than my friends, overweight, and a crappy writer, but at least I’m not as crazy as that person on *insert TLC show* is.” 

Face it, that’s why we all watch these shows (if that’s something you’re inclined to do). I’m a firm believer in the power of mindless entertainment for the point of relaxation and turning off your brain at the end of the day, which is another place these shows come in.

I’ve never actually seen this episode of the show. I was introduced to this now Internet-famous person via the magical wonderland of Tumblr.

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In this clip, Kelly explains when she was a child she was forced to eat something she didn’t like (like EVERY PERSON EVER) and then her cheesy potato-laden life began. She’s been eating cheesy potatoes every day for every meal for 30 FREAKING YEARS!

Not only does this episode fascinate me, it also bothers me. Not only because of the fact this woman only eats cheesy potatoes but the fact she’s a grown woman and freakin’ cries when she sees a vegetable. I mean, really? Who does that?

 

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THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU, KELLY! Image.

 

I understand not liking a certain food but literally breaking down and crying because your husband wants you to eat something healthy is baffling to me. I mean, I hate watermelon, beef stroganoff, and sloppy joes but I don’t cry when I see them.

So, why am I writing about this and what does it mean? Well, besides the fact I’m using this to express my weird fascination with this and hope someone else finds it was ridiculous and fascinating as I do.

We can also learn something from this.

Let’s start with the obvious: cheesy potatoes are damn delicious. But we can’t or shouldn’t eat them all the time.

Sometimes we have to grow up and eat a vegetable.

 

 

Lucky’s Market Is The Best Store You’ve Probably Never Been To

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. Sometimes life happens and blogging doesn’t. Lucky for you dear readers, I’ve got a fresh pack of K-Cups and no major plans so I’m back!

Anyway, yesterday after work and getting my taxes done (I adulted so hard yesterday) I hopped (insert Easter pun) over to Lucky’s Market.

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Image via.

The relatively new chain is currently only in eleven states. Labeling itself as “Organic for the 99%”, Lucky’s should have Whole Foods shaking in their vegan leather boots.

Lucky’s is a cross between Aldi and Trader Joe’s, featuring organic and local goods at ridiculously reasonable prices.

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From the Lexington, KY sales flyer.

Meanwhile, Whole Foods wants $17.99 per pound of wild-caught salmon. 

Check out the Lucky’s weekly sales flyer in link above and notice the $6.99 lobster tails. FREAKIN’ LOBSTER TAILS, YA’LL! IN KENTUCKY!

Like I need to sell you any further on this magical place where you can drink beer while you shop that also takes coupons.

Lucky’s offers well-known organic and food alternative brands like Amy’s, Silk, So Delicious, and Nature’s Path as well as their own brand. Not to mention a salad bar, fresh-cut meat, orange juice and smoothies made in-house, sushi, pizza, baked goods, and miles of bulk candy. Not to mention a wide selection of beauty and personal care products.

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Non GMO candy is what will save the world. Image via.

I can see myself setting up shop here on a weekly basis. It’s cheap, close to my work, and offers amazing food. I consider myself pretty lucky to live near Lucky’s (so many puns, I’ll stop now and enjoy my Lucky’s organic K-Cups and chocolate chip scones).