Rockula, 1990’s ONLY Vampire Musical Comedy

And probably the only vampire musical comedy. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

You’re probably scratching your head and wondering what the hell Rokula is. Well, dear readers, you’re about to find out.

In honor of my own birthday, here’s a post about the majesty that is Rockula.

Rockula is a seemingly “lost” cult movie. I saw “lost” because if it wasn’t for weirdos on the Internet who upload videos to YouTube, movies like this would be lost to the ravages of time and modern technology. This is one of those movies which never survived the conversion from VHS to DVD. I’ve looked for the DVD several times and can only find the occasional bootleg copy. If this movie was ever released on DVD, it is since out of print. However, it is available on YouTube and weirdly Amazon Prime Video.

I stumbled across this movie two years ago while reading some list article about obscure Halloween movies. Whoever wrote it certainly did their homework. As a purveyor of pop culture and Halloween movies, this one was new to me. If I had discovered this earlier, my life might be completely different.

Starring Dean Cameron, Toni Basil, and Thomas Dolby, (you read that right. THE Toni Basil and THE Thomas Dolby). Rockula tells the story of Ralph,a 400 year-old vampire doomed to meet the reincarnated love of his life every 22 years only to have her die on Halloween over and over again.

Sounds like a fun premise, right?

 

It is, but this movie is a delightful shit show of early 90’s/late 80’s (because they are the same thing) madness AND random musical numbers. Also, it’s just plain weird in same parts. For example, Ralph lives with his mother (Toni Basil), the girl he loves is killed by a rhinestone-peg-legged pirate wielding a giant hambone, and he suddenly becomes a rock star hence the title. Now would be the time to say, you can’t make this stuff up. Only someone did and it was made into a movie.

This movie spoke to me because it’s a relic of a bygone era. A time when we had to leave the house and God forbid go to the video store if we wanted to a movie. A time when one-hit wonders of the last decade could actually get a role in a movie. That reminds me, has anyone checked on “You’re Beautiful” James Blunt lately? A time when one could seriously make a rock and roll vampire musical comedy with 80’s one-hit wonders in the cast. That doesn’t even sound plausible in 2016.

Rock on, 1990. Rock on!

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Suicide Squad is the Harley Quinn show we’ve all been waiting for

Suicide Squad is awesome.

The End.

I could end this post there and you’d get the idea.

I’m pretty sure I might be leaving my husband for Margot Robbie. I’ll keep you posted.

This is the movie I’ve been the most excited about all summer. The clueless jackasses that are movie critics hated this which automatically means real people a.k.a not pretentious film snobs who bow at the altar of Daniel Day Lewis will love it.

This movie is just fun. There are no other ways to describe it. It’s not ridiculous, overly dark (I’M LOOKING AT YOU BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN), or campy. DC tends to make their movies more realistic while Marvel fully embraces the fact they are making movies about mutants and Norse gods in space.

Suicide Squad embraces the best of both worlds and it works.

The clear show-stealer in this movie is Harley Quinn. The fan favorite finally has made it to the big screen after over twenty years of waiting. A Harley fan myself, I was admittedly worried how the batshit insane love of the Joker would translate to film. To me, Harley is probably the most “cartoony” of the comic book characters. This movie perfectly captures Harley’s insanity yet presents it in a “real” way. Harley’s costumes and overall look helped with the transition from comic book and animation to the big screen.While the classic Harley clown costume is awesome, I don’t think it would have worked well in this scenario.

Prepare yourselves for all the Harley Quinn costumes this Halloween.

One thing I wanted from this movie was more Joker. Jared Leto’s tattooed grill-wearing gangster version of the character is fantastic. He pays tribute to Heath Ledger with the voice, but his raw and disturbing insanity is all Leto.

Another thing that surprised me about this movie was Will Smith. I loved Will as a kid and was glad to see him back doing comedy and action instead of Oscar bait. Fingers crossed for a Fresh Prince reunion show.

There are a few serious and darker moments but overall it’s nothing like the DC movies we love to bitch about on the Internet.

Marvel has clearly won the comic book movie genre. If DC sticks with the Suicide Squad formula, it will be a tough competition.

Dear DC,

Make more movies like this.

 

Let’s celebrate Friday the 13th by honoring a fictional serial killer in a hockey mask

Happy Friday the 13th fellow, weirdos!

Only to be rivaled with Halloween, today is the next spookiest day of the year.

Whether or not you are superstitious or even give a crap about Friday the 13th, we can’t deny the impact on our culture, especially when it comes to the movie franchise sharing the name with the infamous day.

Even if you don’t like horror movies or the series, you’ve probably seen at least one or more of the 12 films in the series. The theme song alone can make the faint of heart weep and want to watch the Hallmark Channel.There’s a reason why there is a marathon every time Friday lands on the 13th day of the month. The cleverly named horror franchise is a cultural icon because there’s nothing America loves more than a psycho butchering teens for having sex in the woods.

I spent three years of my late teens and early twenties working at a Blockbuster (RIP). Horror was by far the most popular genre of movie. Being a horror fan, I was the go-to person for recommending new and old fright flicks. After working there a while, I noticed that even during the heyday of torture porn and horror movie ultra violence people tended to love the classics the best.

No more so than Mr. Hockey Mask himself, Jason Voorhees.

Horror fans tend to compare what I call The Big Three; Freddy, Michael, and Jason.

 

Back in my video store days, this is what I noticed when it comes to three of my fav fellows; people are the most scared of Freddy and Michael yet like the Jason movies the best.

Interesting observation.

Here are my theories regarding the matter:

You can’t avoid Freddy Krueger. You have to sleep and if he’s going to kill you, there’s no way to stop him. Freddy is the only one of these guys with a personality and who actually speaks which is maybe why people are so afraid of him. Not only will he kill you in your dreams, but he can say something funny while he’s doing it. Also, he’s supernatural so there is no concrete way to control him.

Michael Myers on the other hand is straight up psycho. Unlike Freddy and Jason (although he wasn’t supernatural until later in the series), Michael isn’t supernatural. Even though he’s survived numerous gunshot wounds and other trauma, Michael keeps coming back. Mainly because we kept watching the movies. The thought of a mute, cold-blooded killer who used to be a little boy in a clown costume hacking you to bits is terrifying. Plus, you can’t avoid Halloween. So if you’re a babysitter or a dumb drunk teenager on Halloween in Haddonfield, Illinois sorry about your luck.

Jason Voorhees is also a mute psycho but a sympathetic one. Even though we love violence and horror, people still have a soft spot for a disfigured child with a crazy mother. Said child eventually grows up to be an undead serial killer but it’s all good because of sequels.

 

Back to the sympathetic aspect of the character. Jason was ignored and bullied by his fellow Camp Crystal Lake compadres and counselors. When he becomes a crazed and awesome killer, he takes out his frustrations and vengeance on those who remind him of his bullies. 

I believe that is something we can relate to on some level. Not that I’m saying we all want to put on a hockey mask and slaughter those who have wronged us. But there is something satisfying and feeds our inner sociopaths in seeing bullies and other jerks get decapitated in the most ridiculous way possible. In movies, of course. I feel like the fact we subconsciously feel sorry for him leads us to root for Jason instead of being scared of him.

That’s just my theory.

Now enjoy this awesome video of Jason killing people set to “Come On Eileen”.