Dynasty S2E2- “The Verdict”

“Go suck on a grapefruit, Jeff!”

Blake and the rest of the gang are back in court awaiting, you guessed it, the verdict. Steven and Alexis sit in the back of the courtroom being grade A sassy bitches. Naturally, Alexis is wearing a red suit.

Insert ominous music.

Blake is found guilty AF of voluntary manslaughter. Now, as somehow who has a useless degree in criminal justice, I’m going to have to pull out some of my vocabulary words and disagree. This is some involuntary manslaughter.

This is the most I’ve ever used my degree.

Blake is sentenced to two years in prison. However, the jury be like, “he’s a rich white guy, let’s just give him two years of probation!”

He should be sucking the jury’s toes. Instead, he demands to make a statement to the court. Don’t think that’s a thing people do. This reeks of Ted Bundy defending himself in court.

Blake won’t shut the hell up. He tells, or rather, yells at the court, “This whole thing has been a travesty! The only crime has been this trial!”

Yeah, right.

Lawyer Andy, who is probably polishing up his resume, tries to get Blake to chill out. He does not pass the assignment. Blake demands Andy write an appeal. Andy says it won’t help. He tells him an appeal will only drag this out longer and further bad publicity. Andy reminds Blake he is a lucky, rich bastard for only getting probation and not 2 YEARS IN PRISON!

That awkward moment when you realize actions have consequences.

Prosecutor Jake tells Andy it was a good call not to question Alexis. He wants to know why he didn’t and claims it must be something “real tasty”.

This is all I think about when I hear the word “tasty.”

Steven tries to go talk to Blake, and he turns away. NOTE: Steven testified against Blake, just like Alexis. Like mother, like son.

Claudia wakes up in the hospital strapped down because she keeps trying to escape. A nice doctor comes in and says he will untie her. She tells the doctor she can’t pay her bill. Doctor bro says Blake Carrington has paid the bill. Thanks, Blake!

The gang leaves the courtroom. The press is waiting to hound Blake. Andy, Blake, and Krystle not so discreetly leave the courthouse. Krystle isn’t feeling so hot and says, “she needs some air.” Don’t blame you, girl. This is too much. They get into a limo. You know, like normal people.

A reporter from an obviously fake publication approaches Blake. He is doing a story on Denver Carrington (again, such a clever fake company name) and how Blake’s manslaughter is going to impact it. He replies “business as usual.” Reporter nerd is not pleased. He says he’s going to write the article, anyway. Blake tries to leave. Reporter nerd grabs his arm. Blake says, “get your hands off me!”

Reporter nerd: “Or what? More manslaughter?”

Dynasty writers high-fiving themselves for that line.

Jeff runs up and tries to save the day. He tells the reporter to GTFO or he will punch him.

Violence isn’t the answer, Jeff. He isn’t the type to go around punching and bitch slapping. Krystle and Alexis on the other hand…

Don’t worry, the catfights are coming…

Cut to a brief shot of Steven in his dark, sad 80s apartment calling the hospital to check on Claudia. Snoozeville.

Back to the Carrington family shit show…

Cut to Fallon and Joseph in the kitchen. This might be the only time we see her actually doing anything. She’s making Blake bran muffins (gross) in the middle of the night. You know, perfectly normal behavior. These aren’t regular muffins, these are “manslaughter muffins”.

Joseph comments about how Fallon used to cook Blake breakfast on his birthday. How sweet. They lament about how they are the only people who care about Blake and about how they are “all he has”. Huh? Don’t think so, guys. He’s married and has a paid friend in Lawyer Andy.

Whatever…

Blake can’t sleep. Apparently, neither can anyone else. He’s pacing around his study sipping a brandy. Enter Krystle. In true Dynasty fashion, they sit by a fire sipping a drink and stare into space. Krystle says what happened in court was “unfair”. WTF? Your husband could have been in prison. Instead, he’s back in his ugly mansion sipping brandy.

Blake tells her he wants to change, just like he did last episode. He claims he’s used force to get everything he has in life and says “there’s got be a better way.”

Well, there is, but it wouldn’t be Dynasty if any of these jerks (minus Jeff, he’s a sweet little baby who never breaks bad) changed their ways. It would be like if Homer Simpson suddenly stopped being Homer and morphed into Frasier Crane.

In an alternate reality, Dr. Crane is the Carrington family therapist.

Krystle, who we will soon learn, just wants to get laid tonight, agrees he can do whatever he wants. Well, yeah. He’s a grown up. That’s a part of the deal. All of the good parts about being an adult are the consolation prize for not choking to death on Fruit Roll-Ups as a child. It’s how and why I have margarita popsicles in my freezer.

Anyway, Krystle tells Blake she wants want to go to pound town. He takes this the wrong way and is not amused by her advances. He says “he’s not a charity case.” There are better ways to say, “not tonight, dear.”

Dude, your MUCH younger and super hot wife wants to bone and you start complaining?

Not cool, Carrington.

Krystle convinces him to “go to bed with her”. Extra long kiss. End scene.

The next day, Krystle and Fallon meet in the hallway dressed in silky robes, you know like normal people. Fallon calls her out for sleeping with her own husband and claims that when Krystle walked out of the courtroom the day before (get over it) it swayed the jury to convict her precious daddy.

Again, Krystle’s like, “I was sick, bitch.”

Fallon says, “you were sick but you could still bed down with him?

Bed down? Gag. I want to fire all the writers.

Oh, Fallon. Such a brat. When I was teenager and first watched this show, I thought Fallon was the coolest. Now, seeing her as an adult, not so much. I might change my opinion later but for now, shut the hell up, Fallon!

I would absolutely destroy this little bitch if she lived in my house. Krystle can take her on like a champ #TeamKrystle.

Why does Fallon care if her dad sleeps with his wife?

Chill out, Ivanka.

That whole exchange was gross. Like I said in the previous post, married people should not live with their parents! Even if it’s in a giant mansion. Walls are only so thin even if they are several thousand feet apart.

Fallon is an overgrown woman child with some major daddy issues. Jeff can do better. Sweet, sweet Jeff. You poor little love sick baby.

Blake hears the bitch fest and tells them to knock it off. He threatens to kick Fallon out of the house if she doesn’t chill. Jeff is at the other end of the hallway. He reminds Fallon that Krystle loves Blake and that’s okay. He’s right. Fallon is weird.

Jeff asks if she’s coming downstairs for breakfast. She’s not and tells him to go suck on a grapefruit.

Again, WHEN DO THE NEW WRITERS SHOW UP?!?!

Claudia calls her mother-in-law to fish for info about her husband and daughter. She refers to her mother-in-law as “Mother Blaisdel” which is equally awkward as it creepy. Mother Blaisdel tells her she doesn’t know shit and blames Claudia for Matthew leaving because of her affair with Steven. I’m going to guess we never hear from “Mother Blaisdel” again.

Blake is at work, which is probably the only place he can get some damn peace and quiet. It’s well established at this point that Blake is a turd and he doesn’t get any better as the show goes on. However, I do have some sympathy for his living arrangement which is about to get a lot more interesting…

Blake’s secretary, Marsha, calls him and says “Mrs. Carrington” is here. He Blake is a turd. It’s well established. However, I do have some sympathy for his living arrangement, which is about to get a lot more interesting…

He’s super jazzed to get a visit from his super hot, much younger wife. Surprise, bitch! It’s your first super hot, much younger wife, Alexis.

Blake’s like, “WTF are you doing here? I’m busy.”

Alexis says she wants to talk. She apologizes for having to come back. She tells him she’s back to get her revenge. However, she says it wasn’t that great—much like the new Starbucks chicken maple breakfast sandwich. Alexis asks Blake if he despises her. He’s like, “yup.”

They argue about how Blake is a shit to Steven. Alexis tells him to stop taking out his feelings towards her on Steven. She’s totally right. He blames Alexis for making him a “momma’s boy” which made him gay. Alexis is like “LOL you had him for 16 years. It doesn’t work like that.”

Blake’s like, “what about Fallon?”

Alexis doesn’t mention her, as we will see very soon, they are pretty much the same person.

When you make a mini-me to torture everyone.

Blake tells Alexis to leave “this office, this building, this city”.

Alexis is like, “haha, no.”

Back at the mansion, Fallon is driving a stupid, old car that can barely run. She’s looking for Michael, her resident stud horse and former chauffeur. Joseph says he was fired earlier that day. Fallon demands to see Blake. She tracks down Blake and throws a fit about Michael. Fallon tells him she wants Joseph reprimanded and Michael back. No dice, Fallon. Blake tells her Joesph was just following orders.

How dare her father get in the way of her rampant adultery?

Yet again, Fallon finds a way to blame all of his on Alexis and the courtroom. She doesn’t understand how her mother could hate Blake so much. Really? Blake pretty much tells her to stop being Fallon and that the family needs to get some morals. She says “the judge put you on probation, not me!”

Haha. Nice.

Blake says he’s going to ignore that remark. He tells her she needs to learn to behave and “I don’t need a carbon copy of your mother in this house. And that’s what you are sometimes. And it sickens me. Do you hear me?! It sickens me!”

Damn, Blake. Harsh, but correct.

“My hair matches the curtains”.

Krystle comes downstairs and seems to have overheard this little spat. She even looks at Blake like “bro, that was mean and I got in to it with her like 4 hours ago.”

Forgot to mention Blake is home for lunch. He joins Krystle. She, like Alexis, tells Blake he needs to stop being a dick to Steven. Blake is not pleased.

They are both right about that. He exclaims, “Not that again, damn it! Twice in one day from both wives!”

. Krystle doesn’t seemed phased by the fact Blake was clearly chattin’ it up with Alexis. Girl, she is a threat. I’d be asking some questions…

  1. No one says “damn it” like John Forsythe as Blake Carrington.
  2. “Both wives”? Huh? More like, ex and current.

He says he doesn’t want to talk about those brats. Honestly, don’t blame him. He says he wishes he never had them. Krystle is upset, especially SINCE SHE IS PREGNANT!

He doesn’t want to talk about those brats anymore and says, “There are times I wish I’d never had them!”

  1. Krystle doesn’t seemed phased by the fact Blake was clearly chattin’ it up with Alexis. Girl, she is a threat. I’d be asking some questions…
  2. No one says “damn it” like John Forsythe as Blake Carrington.
  3. “Both wives”? Huh? More like, ex and current.

He says he doesn’t want to talk about those brats. Honestly, don’t blame him. He says he wishes he never had them. Krystle is upset, especially SINCE SHE IS PREGNANT!

Krystle is sad and gets up to leave. Blake follows her. Now, it’s time for some old school sexist shit. Are you ready? I always am. It’s fun to see how far we’ve come, yet how many steps we’ve taken back.

I went back and read a recap of Season 1 when Blake was an even bigger turd. In an episode called “Krystle’s Lie”, Blake finds Krystle’s birth control pills in the pocket of her robe. Girl, no. That is an awful place to keep them. Blake is mad because they agreed to have a kid together, because that’s a good idea. He gets drunk and throws them on the floor. He sees the birth control as a betrayal (gross) and mentions how his daughter is an annoying whore, his son is gay, and his wife is cheating on him. He then attacks Krystle. In 2022, we call that marital rape.

And Alexis is supposed to be the villain? I think we know who Blake would vote for…

Anyway, Blake suddenly changes his mind and says he doesn’t want anymore kids. Too late, bro. He shouts about some more nonsense and realizes he’s a jerk and is always yelling about something.

Moving on, the next scene shows Alexis and Jake Dunham, the DA who called her to testify, having lunch at the St. Dennis Club, which is apparently the only restaurant in Denver. On Dynasty, “having lunch” means drinking in the middle of the day.

He’s pissed Blake only got probation. He is trying to get some more info out of Alexis about Blake. He asks if there are any skeletons in the closet. Alexis is like “nope, haha”. She’s saving those skeletons for later…

Not only is Alexis going to decorate for Halloween with these skeletons, she’s going to keep them out all year.

It’s suddenly night time. Joseph sees a light on in the studio Blake gave Alexis and must go investigate. He wants to know how she got in. Dude, it’s her property. She tells him she told the security at the gate (of course Blake has a gate) that she was Mrs. Carrington.

Joseph is not pleased. They trade insults. We find out Alexis hired Joseph and pretty much trained him to be her sneaky little butler puppet. They accuse each other of committing perjury. He tells her he’s been keeping a scrapbook of her tabloid exploits as a jet setting party girl over the past sixteen years. She thinks this is hilarious. Girl, it’s creepy. She makes fun of him for reading “trash” and implies that he jerks off of to said scrapbook.

He reminds her of a beach party with some boys and “terrible row on the Greek tycoon’s yacht between you and his wife, that wretchedly unhappy woman.” According to the IMBD, that line is a reference to Jackie O and Aristotle Onassis.

Alexis calls him “an impotent voyeur.” LOL.

Solid work on the spiderwebs, prop department.

Blake and Andy are at the St. Dennis Club, which I hope has good food for the amount of time and money these jerks spend there. Jake Dunham has apparently been drinking there all day. Blake tells him he isn’t going to pursue an appeal even though HE IS INNOCENT. Jake laughs and reminds him that he’s been charged with manslaughter, you know, a crime and that he’s lucky to be free. Blake laughs now and is like, “I’m a rich white guy. I can do what I want.” He mocks Jake for being a lawyer instead of playing for his football team.

I mentioned earlier there would be no sports. Well, I forgot Blake owns a football team. I guess it’s the Denver Broncos? Don’t know. Don’t care. Blake accuses Jake of using “the death of some homosexual” to jumpstart his political career. Jake says he doesn’t care about sexuality and that he was doing his job. Hell yeah, Jake! Blake delivers the horrible line, “Justice is blind because of people like you, pal.”

Steven is sitting in his crappy apartment, staring at a picture of Ted, his dead boyfriend. He hears a knock on the door; it’s Krystle. She’s come to see him to try to get him to make amends with Blake. He agrees and they go back to the mansion. Krystle pops into Blake’s study and says he has a visitor. Steven comes in wearing a horrible pink vest, which he isn’t wearing in the previous scene. LOL to Steven changing into a pink vest.

Steven and Blake awkwardly stare at the floor and shake hands. Blake apologies for walking away from him in the courtroom. Steven’s like “it’s okay, Dad. You only killed my boyfriend.” Blake tells him the Carrington’s need to clean up their image. Steven asks if he wants him to move back home, move up at Denver Carrington, and date the right kinds of girls. Blake says he forgives him for testifying against him in court.

Steven says he told the truth about how his dad is a douchebag and that he will never forgive him for killing Ted. He walks away from Blake, who is pissed his son walked away from him. His adult son, who can do whatever the hell he wants. Steven says with a “father like you, I’d rather be an orphan.” They shove each other in the foyer as Krystle stares on. Blake mumbles about how he and Seven will never get along. Krystle’s like “you said things were going to change around here”. Blake yells at her that she must be talking about him. Yeah, dude, she is.

Krystle walks away and immediately passes out. Blake rushes over to her. He blames it on the stress of the trial. She starts crying and tells him she thinks she might be pregnant with her sabotaged birth control rape baby.

Krystle immediately regretting her decision to get involved with these rich assholes.

The next scene shows Blake pacing around. Joseph comes in and Blake demands to know what’s taking the doctor so long. Joseph is like “not that, bro”. Blake says, “that can wait.” Joseph, “you better look into it now.”

Blake looks outside and sees Alexis moving in to the studio. It’s on like Donkey Kong, bitch!

“The Verdict” random thoughts and observations:

  1. I’m legit surprised Fallon knows how to bake muffins.
  2. Manslaughter Muffins is a great band name.
  3. “Go suck on a grapefruit” is my new favorite insult.
  4. There is a season 4 episode called “The Verdict” as well. Guess the writers were hungover that day.
  5. Wearing a red suit to your ex husband sentencing hearing is a boss bitch move.
  6. When did doctors stop making house calls?

Fashion MVB (Most Valuable Bitch):

Steven and his pink sweater vest. Naturally.

Not as fabulous as his mom.

Final Rating: 3/5 Shoulder Pads


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