Netflix’s “The Crown” Is “Downton Abbey” On Steroids And I Can’t Stop Watching

Not having to work for 12 days means I get to working out…my remote.

I love a good historical drama, but I tend to shy away from dramatizations of real-life events, especially those I’m familiar with. There’s nothing I hate more than historical figures are inserted as characters in fictional accounts. To me, it’s sloppy, lazy writing. Why not use your creativity to write a new character instead of using a real person, you hack?!?! I actually had a brief Internet fight with someone on a writing site about this topic. I no longer visit writing sites.

I can watch The Crown simply for the fact I didn’t know jack shit about hardly any of it.  I know English Royal Family 101. However, I didn’t know the story because I’m American AF. For me, watching this is no different from a completely fictional show with parts I’m mildly familiar with.

I did know about Wallis Simpson and Edward VIII’s abdication I love a good 80 year-old scandal. The whole time I was wondering if the show was going to go there. IT TOTALLY GOES THERE AND IT’S AWESOME!

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This show is perfect parts grand spectacle/showing real struggles and excellent characterization. 12/10. One of the things I love about this show is how they showed Queen Elizabeth’s insecurities about her ability to rule and her education as well as her personal struggles (a.k.a Prince Phillip can be a major turd). Queen Elizabeth goes from a twenty-something forced into a job she didn’t want to a total bad ass.

Plus, the whole time I’m like…

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That Time I Did Zsa Zsa Gabor’s Workout Video

*Sigh*

The things I do for a blog post.

I really did Zsa Zsa Gabor’s workout video. 

When Zsa Zsa passed away Sunday, I immediately went down a Zsa Zsa-tastic Internet rabbit hole. There’s nothing I love more than scrolling through pages about the lives of celebrities from bygone eras. I also love working out. For real, I do. I’m pretty sure I love nachos more, but that’s another thing.

As I fell deeper into the rabbit hole, I discovered Zsa Zsa had her own workout video. In the eighties and early nineties every celebrity had a workout video. I don’t know why this information surprised me. I was immediately intrigued and promise myself I would do it.

First of all, I would like to thank the kind soul who uploaded this to YouTube. You’re a real hero. There’s a special place in Heaven for you.

I previewed a few minutes of the video at work yesterday. I didn’t think I could make it through the video without laughing my ass off. Well, I did, but I actually completed the workouts with my own modifications.

Admittedly, I thought this was going to be a seventy-something year-old Zsa Zsa touching her toes and doing some light stretches for 30 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself doing tricep kickbacks, multiple sets of squats, overhead presses while Zsa Zsa uttered words of encouragement and fact, such as, “you’re doing great, darling!” and “you use ze stomach muscles all the time, especially when you’re making love.”

It was clearly designed for people who don’t work out on a regular basis. Sorry, Zsa Zsa, I don’t need to sit in a chair to do squats (ass to grass, baby! Which totally contradicts her advice to “tuck in your fanny”). She also goes on about how skinny legs on a woman is terrible. This is something I can get down with. I seriously want a workout playlist with random Zsa Zsa quotes from this video randomly inserted into songs. Also, I can curl and press more than a 3 pound dumbbell. I modified and made it more of a challenge by omitting the chair and using a 10 pound dumbbell for about every workout. With the modifications, it was a decent workout. I will actually probably be sore tomorrow.

This video is the epitome of cheesy 90’s workout videos. Zsa Zsa blatantly hits on the two beefcake guys in the video, which makes them obviously uncomfortable. Today, it would be sexual harassment. When Miss Hungary 1936 does push ups on your back, it’s a beautiful thing.

If Loving Christmas Tree Cakes Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right

My name is Emily Stringer, I’m 28 years-old, and I’m addicted to Christmas Tree Cakes.

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Hey, baby. Image.

Little Debbie is an evil bitch who makes delicious snack cakes in the bowels of Hell and sends them to Earth as an effort to end me-and it’s totally working. Her equally evil friends include Mrs. Freshley and Sara Lee, who have also tempted me many a time.

Let’s be real; Little Debbie cakes are damn good. If you can’t admit to liking at least one of these little blessed by the Devil Diabetes bombs, we can’t hang. I don’t care which one it is (as long as it’s not those weird raisin pie things).

Christmas Tree Cakes are obviously special because you can only get them for about two months out of the year. Also, they come in several different varieties, including Red Velvet AND chocolate. My God, people. What’s not to love. Also, they are fresh as hell and every single one of them is just as good (if not better than the last).

I don’t know why I love these so much, besides the fact they are SO GOOD. Maybe it’s because they are only available for a limited time each year. Maybe it’s some weird comfort to deal with the stress of the holidays. Or maybe it’s because they are just good, I’m an adult, and can eat as many damn Christmas Tree Cakes as I want! I’m gonna go with that one because it’s probably the deep-seeded reason why I want to shove as many of these things down my word hole as I reasonably can.

Honestly, I don’t care why I like them. I just wanted to share my snack shame with the Internet in hopes of entertaining and perhaps finding a like-minded individual. Remember, you are not alone in your love for seasonal snack cakes.

*shoves Christmas Tree Cake in mouth*

 

 

My latest book “Live Fast, Die Pretty” is up for nominations on Kindle Scout

Time for some shameless self promotion.

I actually really hate doing this, but I know it’s a part or writing books. I don’t want to be that person that’s like: “OHMIGODBUYMYSTUPIDBOOKI’MSOCOOLANDSOMUCHBETTERTHANYOUBECAUSEIWROTEABOOKANDHAVEANAPPLECOMPUTER!”

That is not the person I want to be. You know the type of person I’m talking about. I guarantee you know one or four. They are probably friends.

I’ve gotten better at promoting my own books/writing. Mainly because I’ve taught myself how to do it (a.k.a. using the right hashtags on Twitter). Now I do it all the time and have gotten over it.

Now, I’m going to self-promo vomit all over my own blog.

Kindle Scout is crowdfunding style publishing from Amazon. People nominate books and winners get an exclusive publishing contract with Amazon. This is a great opportunity considering Amazon pretty much has a monopoly on ebook publishing, even though it seems no one wants to admit it. Sorry Barnes and Noble, Nook just can’t compete.

I’ve been working on these books for longer than I care to admit and think they are pretty cool, even though all the literary agents and publishers who rejected it so many times I lost count obviously thought otherwise. I’m trying not to be bitter and I’ve lost all faith in traditional publishing, which only wants a bunch of Young Adult novels set in a dystopia. God forbid someone writes something different.

My book which is currently up for nominations on Kindle Scout is the first installment of my book series, The Movie Star Murders.

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Dat cover art. I love my own cover art I designed via telling someone else what I wanted and demanding they do it right.

Live Fast, Die Pretty is the first installment of a planned series entitled THE MOVIE STAR MURDERS in which another aspect of the mystery is revealed in each title until the entire mystery is solved in the final book (probably 4 total depending on how long I can go killing off the fictional jackasses I’ve created).  The series combines the glamorous and torrid world of Old Hollywood with gritty cop drama and romantic suspense. Ooh, fancy!

Here’s a synopsis: In 1934, actress Candy Carmichael was murdered. Detective Jack Vance immediately suspects her husband, movie star Rex Harper. When Rex returns from a location shoot, he finds the love of his life engaged to his long-time enemy, as well as someone trying to frame him for more murders. This prompts Rex to convince Jack of his innocence and win back the love of his life. As the mystery deepens, Jack, Rex, and those closest to them uncover deep secrets and shocking connections.

Good times, right?

Anyway, the book is up for nominations until December 31.

You can vote for it here.