Who is going to win the game of thrones?

“When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.” 

That’s an understatement.

The whole point of GOT is a bunch of turds fighting, killing, and screwing their way to a horribly unconformable metal chair.

There are A LOT of characters vying for the Iron Throne. At the end someone is going to win unless the writers have been trolling us for years and we find out the whole thing is a dream. 

GOT has an extremely high mortality rate and pretty much no one is safe. At this point in the show, it is a safe bet anyone who is still alive in the books is going to make it far in the show.

With the Season Six premiere tomorrow, I’ve decided to do a ranking of all the characters fighting for the sword chair from least likely to most likely.

Tell me in the comments if you agree or disagree. I enjoy a spirited virtual nerd fight.

SPOILERS BELOW!

Ramsey Bolton

For starters, he’s a crazy bastard. He literally cut off a man’s penis. Think about that. He’s also isolated in the North even though he is  technically the rightful heir of Winterfell. We learned in Season One the North is  pretty much B.F.E in the GOT universe. Ramsey is mentally unstable and a complete psycho. Even with Sansa Stark as a wife, it’s going to be hard for him to take that throne from miles away and without much support.

Stannis Baratheon

A quick Google search will give you various theories on the fate of much hated character. Stannis still might be in the running for the Throne. If he is, he’s going to have to dump the red witch bitch and stop being such a turd. Being the brother of a former King, Stannis has a good claim to the Throne. Now with the Lannister incest being public knowledge, Stannis has an ever greater claim as it would be easy to overthrow technically illegitimate children a.k.a Tommen. No one is cheering for you, bro. He also killed his own brother with magic and his own child so he’s a great dude.

Daenerys Targaryen

The clear fan favorite has been seemingly wasting time for YEARS!  It’s like come on, girl you got freakin’ dragons.THREE OF THEM! You could march into Kings Landing right the hell now and burn everything but the Iron Throne to the ground and take it for yourself. As someone who writes fiction, I understand writers can’t do that because of those pesky plots. It seems to me that she would have made it a lot farther by now. Dany would be a fair and just leader for the Seven Kingdoms. She’s also a bit cocky and is miles away from where she needs to be. Shift ass, Dany we want to see you win.

Cersei Lannister

Everyone’s favorite drunk is so close to the Iron Throne she can taste it. She’s been the Queen before (and is currently The Queen Mother) so it would be easy for her to get the coveted spot again. However, there is the now famous Maggy the Frog prophecy stating a younger more beautiful queen will be her downfall, she will out live all of her children, and that she will be choked to death. Cersei is evil and terrible so it would be a  total slap in the face if she did in fact become Queen again. However, the prophecy is obviously important and is going to involve other characters. Sorry haters, Cersei ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Littlefinger aka Petyr Baelish

He’s powerful, sneaky, and knows everything about everyone. He has nothing to lose and will do anything to get ahead. He doesn’t have a claim but he’s not one to be underestimated. It probably won’t happen, although it’s still fun to think he might swoop in, kill everyone, and sit his happy ass on the Throne.

Margaery Tyrell

Girlfriend is already the Queen and knows how to work it. Even though she was arrested in Season Five, Margaery has power and her name on her side.Her family is also powerful and let’s not forget her BAMF grandmother helped killed Joffrey. I expect to see big things from her in Season Six as she is believed to be the younger queen in the prophecy. With that being said, Margaery still doesn’t seem to be that important of a character in the long run even though her role has been beefed up in the last few seasons.

Jon Snow

Not likely. He’s probably some sort of snow zombie now and would melt in Kings Landing. Besides, do we really want someone knows nothing to be the ruler of the realm? Even though R+L=J is probably correct, Snow doesn’t have a chance even as a fan favorite, UNLESS some insane fantasy magic happens and he is resurrected and joins forces with Dany or someone else. Fan theories have been pointing to Snow as winning the Throne for years. It would be poetic justice to see a bastard and former member of the Night’s Watch as King.

A Random Stark

“Where the f*ck are Bran and Rickon Stark?” is question that has been on the minds of GOT fans for almost two years now. Season Six promises their return so it’s possible the forgotten Stark kids are ready (and old enough now) to understand the concept of and take revenge on those who betrayed their family.In the first seasons, the show was Stark and Snow heavy which seemed to imply their later importance. Also, Arya, Sansa, and Ned’s brother, Benjen shouldn’t be discounted as potential rulers.

If anyone deserves to be on the Iron Throne, it’s Sansa. Out of all the characters in this fandom, Sansa has suffered the most. I mean she saw her own father beheaded, lost her whole family, was held hostage, and raped. Give the poor girl a break. 

None of the above/no one/everybody dies

Considering the death toll and the influx of characters on this show, any of these options should surprise no one. Television shows historically have had abysmal endings. Remember Dexter and True Blood? Considering the consistent high-quality of GOT, a shitty ending is less-likely. Still, you should prepare yourself for Crap of Thrones just in case.

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How To Have A Childfree Wedding

It can be done. I’m a successful childfree wedding haver and survived to tell the tale. I’ve been married for almost three years and have given advice on how to hold a childfree wedding before to a few curious friends. Now as wedding season approaches I’ve decided to pass along some advice on how to successfully pull this off.

Just going to start out getting real, people will most likely tell you are you being selfish for banning children from your wedding.

It’s hard for me to see the other side of this argument as I am anti-kid at fancy events and pretty much anti-kid in general.

Be prepared to defend your decision and deal with some general pissy attitudes about the whole thing.

if you are lucky (like me) you will be surrounded with supportive and understanding people who get it.

Weddings bring out the worst in people. Not just in your friends and family but also in you, dear bride/groom. Yes, you might just bring out the worst in yourself when making guest lists and picking out the flowers.

I wouldn’t say deciding to have a childfree wedding brought out the worst in me, but rather the best. To all of those who are planning weddings, remember it is your day. No one else’s. If someone tries to make your wedding about them, you don’t need them in your life or at your wedding (if you can help it).

No one would say you were selfish for having kids, so why would anyone care about who you invite to your wedding?

BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL TAKE ANY OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM IF THEY ARE TYPE OF PERSON TO DO SO.

This is especially true when it comes to kids. Weddings are not the place to show off your babies. That’s what Facebook is for.

These selfish opportunity takes often include over-obsessed parents who are looking forward to forcing their kid into a frilly dress or tiny suit which THEY WILL ABSOLUTELY HATE!

Which brings me to one of the reasons why I chose to have a childfree wedding: kids aren’t going to have fun.

While I’m sure some of them would and could have fun, I don’t know any kids that would want to go to a wedding. Especially a very adult one. Like I said, your wedding is YOURS and isn’t about entertaining someone else’s children.

I’m not the biggest kid fan and wanted to have an adult party with adult conversations and booze sans screaming rugrats. Kids are entertaining in small doses and I can appreciate the darnedest things they say. I think we can agree a wedding and reception is not the ideal location for a kid.

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Hell no! Image via

Another reason I went sans-children is to give the grown-ups a much-deserved and needed break.

Look, I’m childfree and happy about it (sometimes my extremely spoiled dog is worse than a human baby).

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Me. Image via.

I understand being a parent is hard. Like really freakin’ hard. And exhausting. And a bunch of other tiring and money-sucking things. I admire parents and their dedication to being responsible for another human life, but come on, they need a break.

I had no verbal complaints about banning children from our wedding. I actually got the total opposite. People loved it! If there was someone who wasn’t so happy about it, I didn’t know because they didn’t tell me. Whoever you are (if you are even a person), I’m grateful to you for staying quiet and not adding another item on my to-do list of wedding madness.

The parents I knew told me and my mom they loved having a night away from the kids. Not only was it a night away from the kids but they had specific instructions NOT to bring their kids.

By doing this, it prevented them from having to worry about whether or not they could, or should bring their kids. This allowed for parents to make arrangements ahead of time instead of having to shove little Billy or little Susan into aforementioned frilly dresses and tiny suits at the last minute. Or, prevents them from coming all together and parents not getting a well-deserved night away with free booze.

Here comes the part where I tell you want to do.

One of the biggest questions I bet you have is “how do I not hurt feelings?”

Well, there is no correct answer to that question. Like I said, some parents will be grateful and others will consider it a slap in the face for not including their children. If this is something you really want to do, you can’t let others get in your way. IT’S YOUR DAY!

Wording is everything when you decide to have a childfree wedding. You have to be firm with guests and lay down the law on the invite.

For example, our wedding invite was worded with the following:

“Please make other arrangements for your children. Adults only.”

See how easy?

The next step is properly formatting and wording the RSVP cards and invitations.

On the RVSP card only include a spot for up to two names. Note: if you have invited an entire family including adult children or teenagers, you should leave plenty of room for more than two names if more than just a couple are attending together.

The same goes for the invites. Only write the names of the adults unless you are inviting a whole family with adult children/teens and then you would put “The Smith Family” on the invite envelope. Another note: DO NOT PUT THE FAMILY IF THERE IS CHILDREN YOU DON’T WANT TO COME. Etiquette implies if you put “The Smith Family” the whole fam damily will show up, including children. If you want to invite a couple and not their kid, simply word the invitation “John and Ann Smith”.

Now, here is when it gets tricky. Honestly, this is something I didn’t have to deal with so I’m not sure how exactly to answer this: what if someone responds with a child on the RSVP even though you clearly said no children?

Or, worst case scenario someone brings a child to the wedding anyway.

Sh*t just got real.

This is the part where the worst might come out in you.

Scenario #1: get in touch with said person and tell them the wedding is childfree and they are not to bring their child. If they get offended with you, screw ’em. You don’t need people in your life like that.

Scenario #2: this one is tricky. You have every right to be pissed at this person for being disrespectful to your wishes. However, don’t let it ruin your day. This person is a jagweed and their baby is probably ugly.

Don’t let people walk all over you. There’s nothing wrong with standing up for what you want for your wedding.

While requesting a childfree wedding is easy, dealing with the fallout (if any) won’t be.

Remember, it’s YOUR DAY.

Writing Advice: Planning And Outlining

My mom asked me a few weeks ago if I plan out books I’ve written/am working on or if I make them up as I go. 

The answer is “yes” to both.

There are no set rules to writing, or how to get it done. One rule I would follow is to NOT start a story with a character waking up, unless they are in a body bag, but that’s another post for another day. 

All that matters is you got your writing done. Who cares how you got there? 

I tend to write down what I want to happen in the story and then make it happen. I also write chapters and scenes out of order. It makes it easier for me to make things happen in the story this way.

 When you are creating a  fictional universe, you get the chance to unleash your inner sociopath and play God. Regardless of your plans, things might change and that is okay. Which is why I said yes to both making things up and planning. If you are writing a complex fictional world where things are actually happening, things will happen along the way that force you to change things, hence playing God. 

If you choose to plan/outline here are some pointers: 

  1. Keep your notes in one place 

This is self explanatory. It’s much easier to keep everything you need relating to one project in a single location. Switch between apps/programs until you find the one that works best for you. I currently use Google Keep which is available across various platforms. I type up notes and ideas on the go and use them when the time comes. 

   2. Actually write stuff down 

I know it’s scary having to actually write something down. Sorry, fellow youngsters, we’re going back to 1999 and getting out our pen and paper! I find taking the pen to paper helps when I’m suffering from writer’s block. Removing yourself from technology and distractions is the best thing you can do for your creative projects. Turn off the Wi-Fi, close your laptop, and take a pen to your shiny, new notebook! 

To make this work, I recommend investing in a good notebook for this seemingly daunting task to be as enjoyable as possible. 

Moleskine is the king of all notebooks and my personal favorite. The hefty price tag is worth the investment in your writing. Unless you’re writing Fifty Shades Of Grey fan fiction. Then you just need to analyze your life choices. 

 

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For quality writing only. Image via. 

3. DON’T DELETE/THROW ANYTHING AWAY UNLESS YOU ARE SURE YOU DO NOT NEED IT! 

This is probably the most important and obvious. Let’s say you write down an outline for a chapter that you then decide to omit from your book. You then delete it. Later, you are writing and remember you had this awesome idea for X, but you don’t remember what said awesome idea was. You frantically search for it only to discover your dumbass deleted it. WHOMP WHOMP!

This is why you keep things.

As always, take my advice or don’t. Otherwise, write on.

 

Why We Need Deadpool

Deadpool has seemingly taken the world by storm, and for good reason. He’s funny, awesome, and played by Ryan Reynolds. What’s not to love?

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Hey, baby. Image via.

There was a reason why Deadpool is the highest grossing rated R movie EVER. It gave the people what they wanted; a superhero movie that was fun, funny, slightly touching, violent and frankly just freakin’ awesome. Marvel made a superhero movie for the weirdos who want to go see them. Bless them for it. There’s no argument that Marvel is beating the ever loving hell out of DC when it comes to movies. Sorry to burst the bubble of every Nolan fanboy.

After seeing Batman vs. Superman aka Batfleck and hot British dude fight about nothing for three hours, I love Deadpool even more. Not that I hated Bats vs. Supes, it just wasn’t what it could have been. While I was watching it and shoving cheap movie theatre nachos down my world hole, I found myself comparing it to Deadpool and over Marvel movies.

Y U SO DARK, SYNDER?

WHERE DA JOKES?

Y BATS KILLIN’, YO?

Y IS LEX LUTHOR A JOKER RIP OFF?

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Y U NOT DEADPOOL? Image via.

In a world full of Internet whiners and people who complain and are offended but every little thing, we need Deadpool to slap the chimichangas out of our mouths and remind us it’s okay to have fun and make dick jokes. 

In a world full of coddled children who get trophies for taking a dump, and parents who encourage the behavior, we need a movie that is blatantly not for them. A movie that indirectly told the world “fuck you, this isn’t for kids”, and succeeded because of it.

In a world full of Batman vs. Supermans, be a Deadpool.

Deadpool reminds us of yourselves; he’s not perfect, can’t afford a Batcave, and isn’t a super jacked alien who can destroy the world in five minutes if he wanted to. He made a decision that altered his trajectory and was better because of it. No spoilers so I’ll stop right there.

He is flawed, yet lovable, foul-mouthed and real.

This is why we need Deadpool.

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