Whole Foods is a magical wonderland full of tasty treats, healthy options, and totally ridiculous items like these packaged pre-peeled oranges.

These oranges were spotted last week and have since led to a much deserved uproar. Whole Foods does offer a wide selection of pre-packaged items like cut fruit, and pre-cooked meals, but these peeled oranges are a deadly and stupid combination of American laziness, someone in marketing thought they had a good idea, and hipster idealism. LOOK I GOT THESE SUPER COOL ORANGES AT WHOLE FOODS FOR $5.99 A POUND! I HAD THEM FIRST BEFORE THEY WERE COOL! *ADJUSTS SCARF AND GLASSES*.

Yes, these were really $5.99 a pound.

These aren’t just ORANGES. No, these are Sumo tangerines. Whatever the hell those are.

There are a multitude of reasons why this is stupid. I don’t need to elaborate as I hope the people reading this are intelligent enough to realize why it is stupid. This move is hypocritical on the part of the chain which clearly prides itself on being Earth-friendly. While it could be argued everyone and every company and whatnot are hypocrites on some level, but this is irresponsible on the part of the store as it cost labor hours and extra money to peel and package the “oranges”. This is even more frustrating considering the store banned plastic bags in 2008.

I bet the scenario went something like this:

Marketing Douche: “Let’s sell these fancy tangerines for far more than they’re worth.”

Marketing Douche #2: “Excellent! That’s what we do at Whole Foods. When you shop here you are paying the name and the fact that you can say you went to Whole Foods!”

Original Marketing Douche: “OMIGOD, GUYS! I have the best idea EVER! Let’s pre-peel them to make people think they are getting something special. No one on the internet is going to make fun of this or be outraged.

Marketing Non-Douche: Internally thinking “aww hell no.”

I admit to have once fallen for the majesty that is Whole Foods (Whole Wallet). After this mishap, I’ll never set a foot in that pretentious wasteland. Like a bad relationship, you eventually will find a flaw you can’t get past and this one is mine.

I can understand shopping at Whole Foods if it is the only store in your area where you can buy certain things, have dietary restrictions, etc. Since I am lucky enough to have other options, I am officially breaking up with Whole Foods.

In response to the criticism, the product has been removed from stores.

Whatever Whole Foods thinks up next, the Internet is ready.